Nothing Runs into You Like a Deer

I love deer, and I hate deer. They're the tastiest things to eat, they're beautiful aniamls, but, I swear, they're the stupidest animals ever. A few weeks ago, I was on my way to work. I was running a little late because I had to have that last cup of coffee. I'd made it only about two miles out of town when I spotted deer bounding across the road ahead of me. I slowed down, watched, but didn't see anymore. Just as I started to speed up again, a deer sprinted out, from the opposite direction of the ones I had just seemed.

It almost felt like slow motion. I watched the deer sprint toward Jeremy's truck. All I could think was, "There's nothing I can do to avoid hitting this deer." For a brief moment, the deer changed directions and was just running along the side of the truck. It was almost surreal, and the deer was so beautiful. Then, in an instant, it decided it was kamikaze deer. BAM! It ran right into the driver's side door. The window glass shattered, sprinkling all over me and the driver's side.

My heart was racing as, somehow instinctively with no thoughts in my head, I slowed down and pulled over on the side of the road. I just sat there, shaking, unalbe to process anything. This fact was most obvious when, seconds later, a van pulled alongside me. The woman in the passenger seat rolled down the window.

"Are you okay?" She asked.
This I could actually process. Other than some glass inside my shoes and my racing heart, no problems.
"I'm fine," I replied. "Just a little shaken up." That was definitely an understatement, since I was fairly certain there was no way I could get out of the truck and actually stand on my own. And that's pretty much where all logical thinking stopped.
The woman then asked, "Do you need any help? Do you need to borrow a phone?"
I "calmly" told her, "No, I'm fine. I just live a couple miles back, and my husband's at home. She nodded her head, and I watched the van ease down the road.

It was only then that it hit me. 1) I didn't have a cell phone, since mine had died after it got a little "bath." Therefore, I actually had no way to call Jeremy. On top of that, I knew I as at least 2 or 3 miles out of town. What was I planning to do? Walk back? I sat in the cab for a few minutes, contemplating my stupidity. Nothing else to do, I figured I might as well get out and check the damage.

Gingerly, trying to avoid all the tiny glass fragments, I opened the door and stepped out. Yep, the deer had run right into me. The driver's side door was completely smashed. In fact, to get back into the truck, I had to reach through the window and use the inside door handle, since the outside one was no longer functioning. There was also a much smaller dent on the front fender, and the hood was slighltly popped up. Survey complete, I climbed back into the truck and just sat tere, amongst the glass, not sure what the hell to do.

Fortunately, a truck with 2 guys pulled up behind me within minutes. This time, I took the prooffered cell phone and called Jeremy, making sure to emphasize (given his usual critiques of my driving) that it was the deer who had hit me. After calling Jeremy, I once again stepped out of the truck. Silently surveying the damage with the men.

"He really got you, didn't he," one of the men said.
"Yep. Straight into my door."

Okay, we were stating the obvious, but really, what more is there to say?

Determining everything was under control, the two men headed back to their truck and took off. It was at that point I saw the deer on the far shoulder of the road, trying to get up. I instantly felt horrible, hoping the animal would be okay.

Minutes later, Jeremy pulled up. Once again, I got out and stood looking at the damage. I noticed what looked like little fibers coming off the door handle and asked Jeremy what it was.
"That's deer fur," he replied.
"Lovely."

I looked back at the deer and was surprised to see it was gone. I felt slightly bad when the first thing out of my mouth was "Damn, the venison is gone." But by that time, I was "slightly" angry about the amount of damage to the truck.

Heading back into town, we flagged down a passing city cop, who sent us to the sheriff's office, who sent us back out to the truck to wait for a sheriff. About ten minutes later, the sheriff pulled up, and yes, again, we silently surveyed the damage. By this point, I was getting pretty sick of looking at a smashed door on a truck.

Obviously, there wasn't anything to say. So he told us we needed to call the insurance company, then head back to the sheriff's office and fill out a form for the insurance company.

Finished with the sheriff, I climbed back into the truck and, very, very slowly, followed Jeremy home. I was paranoid that another deer was going to jump out in front of me, positive they were plotting vehicular demise like the squirrels in the Geico commercial.

Immediately, I called into work and left a message that I wouldn't be in, giving all the details why. Calling the insurance company, we quickly discovered that, since the truck was older, we hadn't gotten collision insurance on it. So, absolutely no dedictible. I was no longer feeling guilty about the deer's condition, but rather fuming because the venison was gone. If only the deer would have flipped into the back of the truck! This thought only grew stronger when we discovered it would cost $1200 just to fix the door. After that revelation, I went to the freezer, pulled out a package of ground venison, and we had chili for supper.

Since we no longer needed to fill out the form at the sheriff's office, I had plently of time to make it to my last class, which started at 11. I rounded up all my stuff and headed out to my Isuzu, which I hadn't driven for weeks. I stuck the key in the ignition and turned it. Click, click, click, click it went. Disbelieving, I turned the key again. Click, click, click, click. Yep, dead battery.

Sighing, I grabbed all my stuff, headed into the house, and dropped it all in the hallway. I gave up on the whole, entire day and pulled up a game on my computer. The only thing that might have been more calming was if I had that Deer Hunter game.