I know you're supposed to make resolutions at the start of the new year, but to be quite honest, I've never really stuck to a resolution. In fact, I quit making them years ago, pretty much when I realized I never stuck with a resolution.
The Abandoned Resolutions
Sure, there's been tons of them over the years. The standard, going to diet and exercise always used to be a top one. That whole resolution only ended up with me stockpiling things like canned bean sprouts (which I still have some of in my cupboard) and used exercise equipment. There was the stationary bike. I was actually very sad to see that one go because it was a wonderful place to hang up clothes in the bedroom for years. There was the ab roller-cruncher-buncher-feller (no clue what it was really called) that was missing a bolt. Did I ever replace the bolt? No. Mostly because I never really used the buncher-feller after the first week I bought it. There was the manual treadmill. Of all the pieces of equipment that could have provided a great workout, this treadmill was the one. Because it was manual, you had to get the thing moving yourself. That would have been great, if I didn't have to give myself a hernia trying to get it going. Unfortunately, the thing also weighted a ton, so it was impossible to move. Fortunately, it collapsed into a nice, compact form that fit under the bed.
Another new year's resolution that I only made once was trying to be more patient. What a stupid resolution to make! The only think I taught myself to do was, at times when I was slightly calmer and less impatient, to substitute certain phrases for swear words. Now my vocabulary is littered with horrendous sayings like "good grief," "fudgecicles," and "holy cow," and every time one of them comes out of my mouth, I find myself cringing. However, when I'm really ticked off or impatient, the same old stream of swear words come out.
There also was the resolution to try to be better at cleaning. I hate cleaning. I don't know why I ever made that resolution. Maybe it was purely to torture myself for the solid week I clung to it. I started and ended with the living room. First, there was all the woodwork to clean and all the stupid cracks and crevices in the woodwork. Then there were all the electronics -- the gigantic stereo speakers, the television, the amp, the big heavy device that does something important that we had to buy, the television. Next, I had to move on to the lamps, the remotes, the two larger ship models with all their billion, tiny, wooden, glued on ship pieces, and all the other various accumulated stuffs (which made me really think minimalism was the way to go). Once I had finished all that other crap, I still had to vacuum all the pet fur off the furniture and sweep and mop the floor. By the time I finished that one room, I pretty much decided I was never going to be very good at cleaning things and that I was pretty much abandoning that resolution.
Another reason for abandoning it was because it was extremely detrimental to my marriage. I was not happy; therefore, by extension, Jeremy was not happy, which meant he spent the entire week avoiding me. Occasionally, he would pop in, check the progress, and give me little platitudes like "See how much better the television looks once the inch of dust is gone," and "The stereo speakers look great! Did you remember to clean the ceiling fan blades before you started dusting?" My responses always went along the lines of "this sucks" and "fudgecicles," only not altering the word. Of course I didn't remember the stupid ceiling fan blades, of course it's going to rain down 20 tons of compacted dust all over everything I just cleaned, of course I'm not going to go back and clean them, after all, the ceiling fan is running, so who's going to see it? Given the strain that cleaning put on my marriage, it was obvious which one had to go. So, in reality, I actually abandoned the cleaning resolution in order to have a happier and healthier marriage.
This Year's Irresolutions
Moving forward to this year, I'm trying a new plan. I'm reflecting on things I've learned, or maybe not learned is the better terminology, and I'm going to make irresolutions this year instead because I know I can keep those.
First there are projects. I do a wonderful job at thinking about projects. I get the complete project researched and mapped out to the fullest extent. Then comes the next step--actually doing the project. I have discovered I have three standard project outcomes. The first is that the project never gets beyond the "research and development stage." I have tons of links bookmarked for making stained glass, for intricate stencil designs to paint on walls, for making balloon shades. The reality is, I will never do any of these projects. They are way too complicated for my deficient (or maybe that should be nonexistent), artistic and sewing abilities. For that matter, the only time I ever used a sewing machine was in the high school home ec class I was forced to take my freshman year. And even then, I was so horrible that I took most of my projects home and had my mom finish them. The only sewing project I ever completed was a pair of shorts. Nobody told me you had to do something called backstitching on clothes. Just a little advise: never wear homemade, nonbackstitched shorts detasseling.
The second project outcome is that it is actually completed, but then somehow just fails. Maybe I shouldn't say somehow because there's obviously a rational reason the project fails. Take for instance my landscaping project for this year. After the previous year's failure with the whole seed starting/planting thing, I just went for buying plants. I bought some type of red flower, sweet potato vines, and two, yellow shrub roses for the beds that flank the front sidewalk and I bought a yellow climbing rose and caladiums for the side of the house. Then I planted a few ferns and some more caladiums on the other side of the house. I carefully watered and watered and watered, dragging 50 feet of hose around behind me several times a week. Somehow, around July when it got really hot, I started "forgetting" to water. By the end of the summer, all I was left with were some very yellowy, straggly sweet potato vines. Everything else was dead. Jeremy has told me that until we get irrigation, he is not "investing" any more money in any landscaping projects. I'm not sure why he used the word investing, because that implies that there is some sort of reward/value reaped from my landscaping projects. Unless you consider dead plants a value. . .
The third project outcome is that I get the project started, then take, oh, a year or so to finish it. A fine example of this is the front half of our hallway, which I started painting in August. I did not realize the hallway was going to take quite so many coats of paint. I managed to get 5 coats on. Three of those coats actually were in August. Then I got busy with school. In September--no wait-- in November, I got 2 more coats on. I was determined to get my painting job finished before I put Christmas decorations up. I did not get it finished. It wasn't my fault! Honeslty! It got cold, and our hallway is not heated. Not to mention the fact that the Christmas decorations had to go up, and, obviously, I can't paint with Christmas stuff up. Now it's mid January, and I still need to finish the paint job I started in August. Could I have finished and done the whole paint job in August? Yes. But with no real deadline, what's the point? Eventually, what will happen is that we will get company or something, and I will go into freak out mode, and decide not only do I have to get the whole house cleaned in two days, but I also have to finish the last 2 coats of paint on the front half of the hallway and do all seven on the back half of the hallway. At this point, Jeremy will avoid me until said company arrives because he actually wants to keep his sanity and also knows that my logic often is, well, slightly faulty.
My irresolution, therefore, is that I will continue to do projects at my own speed. Yes, this means it will probably be February before the Christmas tree comes down, which means it will be March before I get another coat of paint on the hallway, but in the meantime, I'm quite happy and content. And so is Jeremy. Okay, so maybe he's grumbling inside a bit about why the Christmas lights are still on in June, but I figure if I spent that much time putting them up, and they're still up. . .
Procrastination. This tendency probably goes hand in hand with the projects problem. Yes, New Year's day was approximately three weeks ago. Yes, I am just now getting a New Year's blog finished. To be fair, I started it on New Year's day. Then I got sidetracked. I got a Wii for Christmas. I've been bowling and golfing a lot. I kept thinking I needed to finish the New Year's blog, but. . . Essentially, if I can procrastinate, I definitely will. I've decided that this has to have some benefit, so why bother changing it? Besides, you can't just play a game of cards on the computer any old time. That takes lots of planning.
Experimental Cooking. As Jeremy frequently questions, "why don't you just follow the recipe the first time you make something?" Because I'm a chef! I must tinker with the recipe! I can make it better! The reality is, I usually make it worse. Take, for example, yesterday's banana bread. I only had 2 bananas instead of the required 3. "What could go wrong," I thought to myself, "if I make it only using 2 bananas?" I mix up the batter, and think, "my, this seems awfully runny." While that should have been my first clue, I chose to ignore it. So, into the oven my banana bread goes. I cook it for the required hour, open the oven, look at it, and think "something looks a little off here." I stick in my toothpick, and stir. Hmmm, seems to be the consistency of . . . I don't know. I don't even have any comparisons here. Did I give up on the banana bread, at that point? No (see, this should be a good quality--I stick with things to the . . . sludgy end). I cooked the banana bread for 15 more minutes. Still goopy. I cooked the banana bread for 20 more minutes. Still goopy, and, somehow, the shortening had melted and separated from the "loaf" (if you can call a quivering mass a loaf), and there was a layer of grease on top. I still didn't give up--maybe if I cook it for just 15 more minutes. . . After cooking my banana bread for nearly 2 hours, I finally had to give up. The sad part was, I then had to let it cool on the counter before I could throw it away. On the plus side, it slid right out of the pan. As it was sitting there cooling, Jeremy walks by.
"That looks disgusting!"
"You're lucky, though," I responded. "At least I'm not trying to feed you my experiments anymore." Okay, so I still do occasionally (he did not appreciate the garlic "pancakes" I made very much, which were supposed to be garlic naan), but even I couldn't pass off the banana "surprise" as edible. In the long run, I probably would have a lot more success if I just followed the recipe. But the reality is, I can't control my cooking "urges," so we will continue to get very "unique" by products.
I'm sure there are a ton more irresolutions (probably many of which Jeremy can happily point out), but for now, I just need to finish this blog. Mainly because I have to get ready to go to work, and I still haven't showered.
The Abandoned Resolutions
Sure, there's been tons of them over the years. The standard, going to diet and exercise always used to be a top one. That whole resolution only ended up with me stockpiling things like canned bean sprouts (which I still have some of in my cupboard) and used exercise equipment. There was the stationary bike. I was actually very sad to see that one go because it was a wonderful place to hang up clothes in the bedroom for years. There was the ab roller-cruncher-buncher-feller (no clue what it was really called) that was missing a bolt. Did I ever replace the bolt? No. Mostly because I never really used the buncher-feller after the first week I bought it. There was the manual treadmill. Of all the pieces of equipment that could have provided a great workout, this treadmill was the one. Because it was manual, you had to get the thing moving yourself. That would have been great, if I didn't have to give myself a hernia trying to get it going. Unfortunately, the thing also weighted a ton, so it was impossible to move. Fortunately, it collapsed into a nice, compact form that fit under the bed.
Another new year's resolution that I only made once was trying to be more patient. What a stupid resolution to make! The only think I taught myself to do was, at times when I was slightly calmer and less impatient, to substitute certain phrases for swear words. Now my vocabulary is littered with horrendous sayings like "good grief," "fudgecicles," and "holy cow," and every time one of them comes out of my mouth, I find myself cringing. However, when I'm really ticked off or impatient, the same old stream of swear words come out.
There also was the resolution to try to be better at cleaning. I hate cleaning. I don't know why I ever made that resolution. Maybe it was purely to torture myself for the solid week I clung to it. I started and ended with the living room. First, there was all the woodwork to clean and all the stupid cracks and crevices in the woodwork. Then there were all the electronics -- the gigantic stereo speakers, the television, the amp, the big heavy device that does something important that we had to buy, the television. Next, I had to move on to the lamps, the remotes, the two larger ship models with all their billion, tiny, wooden, glued on ship pieces, and all the other various accumulated stuffs (which made me really think minimalism was the way to go). Once I had finished all that other crap, I still had to vacuum all the pet fur off the furniture and sweep and mop the floor. By the time I finished that one room, I pretty much decided I was never going to be very good at cleaning things and that I was pretty much abandoning that resolution.
Another reason for abandoning it was because it was extremely detrimental to my marriage. I was not happy; therefore, by extension, Jeremy was not happy, which meant he spent the entire week avoiding me. Occasionally, he would pop in, check the progress, and give me little platitudes like "See how much better the television looks once the inch of dust is gone," and "The stereo speakers look great! Did you remember to clean the ceiling fan blades before you started dusting?" My responses always went along the lines of "this sucks" and "fudgecicles," only not altering the word. Of course I didn't remember the stupid ceiling fan blades, of course it's going to rain down 20 tons of compacted dust all over everything I just cleaned, of course I'm not going to go back and clean them, after all, the ceiling fan is running, so who's going to see it? Given the strain that cleaning put on my marriage, it was obvious which one had to go. So, in reality, I actually abandoned the cleaning resolution in order to have a happier and healthier marriage.
This Year's Irresolutions
Moving forward to this year, I'm trying a new plan. I'm reflecting on things I've learned, or maybe not learned is the better terminology, and I'm going to make irresolutions this year instead because I know I can keep those.
First there are projects. I do a wonderful job at thinking about projects. I get the complete project researched and mapped out to the fullest extent. Then comes the next step--actually doing the project. I have discovered I have three standard project outcomes. The first is that the project never gets beyond the "research and development stage." I have tons of links bookmarked for making stained glass, for intricate stencil designs to paint on walls, for making balloon shades. The reality is, I will never do any of these projects. They are way too complicated for my deficient (or maybe that should be nonexistent), artistic and sewing abilities. For that matter, the only time I ever used a sewing machine was in the high school home ec class I was forced to take my freshman year. And even then, I was so horrible that I took most of my projects home and had my mom finish them. The only sewing project I ever completed was a pair of shorts. Nobody told me you had to do something called backstitching on clothes. Just a little advise: never wear homemade, nonbackstitched shorts detasseling.
The second project outcome is that it is actually completed, but then somehow just fails. Maybe I shouldn't say somehow because there's obviously a rational reason the project fails. Take for instance my landscaping project for this year. After the previous year's failure with the whole seed starting/planting thing, I just went for buying plants. I bought some type of red flower, sweet potato vines, and two, yellow shrub roses for the beds that flank the front sidewalk and I bought a yellow climbing rose and caladiums for the side of the house. Then I planted a few ferns and some more caladiums on the other side of the house. I carefully watered and watered and watered, dragging 50 feet of hose around behind me several times a week. Somehow, around July when it got really hot, I started "forgetting" to water. By the end of the summer, all I was left with were some very yellowy, straggly sweet potato vines. Everything else was dead. Jeremy has told me that until we get irrigation, he is not "investing" any more money in any landscaping projects. I'm not sure why he used the word investing, because that implies that there is some sort of reward/value reaped from my landscaping projects. Unless you consider dead plants a value. . .
The third project outcome is that I get the project started, then take, oh, a year or so to finish it. A fine example of this is the front half of our hallway, which I started painting in August. I did not realize the hallway was going to take quite so many coats of paint. I managed to get 5 coats on. Three of those coats actually were in August. Then I got busy with school. In September--no wait-- in November, I got 2 more coats on. I was determined to get my painting job finished before I put Christmas decorations up. I did not get it finished. It wasn't my fault! Honeslty! It got cold, and our hallway is not heated. Not to mention the fact that the Christmas decorations had to go up, and, obviously, I can't paint with Christmas stuff up. Now it's mid January, and I still need to finish the paint job I started in August. Could I have finished and done the whole paint job in August? Yes. But with no real deadline, what's the point? Eventually, what will happen is that we will get company or something, and I will go into freak out mode, and decide not only do I have to get the whole house cleaned in two days, but I also have to finish the last 2 coats of paint on the front half of the hallway and do all seven on the back half of the hallway. At this point, Jeremy will avoid me until said company arrives because he actually wants to keep his sanity and also knows that my logic often is, well, slightly faulty.
My irresolution, therefore, is that I will continue to do projects at my own speed. Yes, this means it will probably be February before the Christmas tree comes down, which means it will be March before I get another coat of paint on the hallway, but in the meantime, I'm quite happy and content. And so is Jeremy. Okay, so maybe he's grumbling inside a bit about why the Christmas lights are still on in June, but I figure if I spent that much time putting them up, and they're still up. . .
Procrastination. This tendency probably goes hand in hand with the projects problem. Yes, New Year's day was approximately three weeks ago. Yes, I am just now getting a New Year's blog finished. To be fair, I started it on New Year's day. Then I got sidetracked. I got a Wii for Christmas. I've been bowling and golfing a lot. I kept thinking I needed to finish the New Year's blog, but. . . Essentially, if I can procrastinate, I definitely will. I've decided that this has to have some benefit, so why bother changing it? Besides, you can't just play a game of cards on the computer any old time. That takes lots of planning.
Experimental Cooking. As Jeremy frequently questions, "why don't you just follow the recipe the first time you make something?" Because I'm a chef! I must tinker with the recipe! I can make it better! The reality is, I usually make it worse. Take, for example, yesterday's banana bread. I only had 2 bananas instead of the required 3. "What could go wrong," I thought to myself, "if I make it only using 2 bananas?" I mix up the batter, and think, "my, this seems awfully runny." While that should have been my first clue, I chose to ignore it. So, into the oven my banana bread goes. I cook it for the required hour, open the oven, look at it, and think "something looks a little off here." I stick in my toothpick, and stir. Hmmm, seems to be the consistency of . . . I don't know. I don't even have any comparisons here. Did I give up on the banana bread, at that point? No (see, this should be a good quality--I stick with things to the . . . sludgy end). I cooked the banana bread for 15 more minutes. Still goopy. I cooked the banana bread for 20 more minutes. Still goopy, and, somehow, the shortening had melted and separated from the "loaf" (if you can call a quivering mass a loaf), and there was a layer of grease on top. I still didn't give up--maybe if I cook it for just 15 more minutes. . . After cooking my banana bread for nearly 2 hours, I finally had to give up. The sad part was, I then had to let it cool on the counter before I could throw it away. On the plus side, it slid right out of the pan. As it was sitting there cooling, Jeremy walks by.
"That looks disgusting!"
"You're lucky, though," I responded. "At least I'm not trying to feed you my experiments anymore." Okay, so I still do occasionally (he did not appreciate the garlic "pancakes" I made very much, which were supposed to be garlic naan), but even I couldn't pass off the banana "surprise" as edible. In the long run, I probably would have a lot more success if I just followed the recipe. But the reality is, I can't control my cooking "urges," so we will continue to get very "unique" by products.
I'm sure there are a ton more irresolutions (probably many of which Jeremy can happily point out), but for now, I just need to finish this blog. Mainly because I have to get ready to go to work, and I still haven't showered.
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1 comment:
I've made one resolution that I managed to stick with and that was when I resolved not to make anymore resolutions. Good luck with the irresolutions! LOL
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