Shopper's Delight: April Edition

November 24
FOR SALE: WWE wrestling figures, new, still in packs, have singles, doubles, and triples, have 3 trash bags full.

Yay! Just what I always wanted! Three garbage bags of plastic, fake wrestlers! I'm guessing, since he's stored them in trash bags, they must be invaluable! I will buy them and make my fortune! I think this might be "recession" investment at it's best!

FOR SALE: 14kt while gold Marquis diamond wedding set with 6 diamond wrap band, valued $1800, sacrifice for $1000 or best offer, worn only one month.

I sense a little bitterness in this add. Wonder who she really wants to sacrifice?

FOR SALE: Antique fireplace heat dispenser with intricate carvings and fins that spread out on each side, hard to explain unless you see it, solid brass, $65.

Jeremy and I actually went to check this out, thinking it might be something we could use for our fireplace. This was around Christmastime, and when we first got to his house, he actually asked me if I "was ready for Santa Claus!" I know sometimes I look young, but, by my estimation, it's been nearly 3 decades since I've been ready for Santa Claus! Thank goodness he didn't ask me if I'd been naughty or nice because I know something smartass would have come out.

Then we looked at the "thing." I call it a thing because neither of us were really sure what exactly it was, which did corroborate his words about it being hard to explain. I think we both explained it as "junk." Same as the delapidated fishing boat and the nonrunning 1954 Plymouth something or other he then tried to sell us. After we left, Jeremy said, "I think he would have sold us his wife if we had asked."

January 5
FOR TRADE: 1965 VW Beetle for a very nice pontoon boat.

I think this guy is a little too optimistic about the worth of his beetle.

January 12
FOR SALE: 7 seasons of Walker Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris. Like new. $75. Also, 2 gun holsters.

Someone is a little too interactive with their television set.

January 26
FOR SALE: 2 guinea pigs, $25 each.

$25 for a guinea pig? Do they poop gold?

February 16
FOR SALE: Baby dwarf bunnies, $10 each, only 4 left, solid black.

Yes! I want these! They'd be a perfect addition to my miniature donkeys and fainting goats! I can have a whole collection of minature animals! Sadly, Jeremy said no again :(

FOR SALE: Pet rats, $3 each.

I can't think this would be the most lucrative business venture. . .

LOST: At Wal-Mart, a finger splint, silver color.

How exactly does one lose a finger splint? Also, I'm beginning to think if you lose anything, it someone magically appears in the Wal-Mart parking lot. It's a conspiracy! Someone needs to look into this!

February 23
FOR TRADE: 4 push lawnmowers in exchange for one good working one, or 3 push mowers in exchange for fixing one of the 4.

Woohoo! Nonworking lawnmowers! I must have them! I will set them up on blocks in a front yard and call it modern art!

March 2
FOR FREE: Yorkie-poo/? puppies.

Oooh, somebody's pedigreed dog went out and had herself a good time!

FOR SALE: Over 2 ft. stack of flattened cardboard boxes, great for packing, $15.

Granted, I often don't think the most logically, but I would pretty much assume that the boxes were great for packing before they were flattened. That and they're asking $15 for a 2 ft stack of garbage.

March 9
God Wants You: Revival!

Yes, there actually was a picture of Uncle Sam under this church revival announcement. I'm not quite sure who the genius was who conflated a patriotic symbol with a church revival--nothing like the separation of church and state.

March 30
FOR FREE: Chickens!! I have too many chickens!

Since this guy is so emphatic, I couldn't help but imagine chickens overrunning his whole house. Chickens on the roof, chickens at the table, chickens playing poker. . . Just how does one end up with too many chickens?

FOR SALE: Dates (editable fruit)

Yes! Finally an editable fruit! Now I can finally correct its bad grammar!

FOR SALE: Fantail pigeons, also Homer pigeons.

This must be part of the new Simpsons breed of pigeons. I think this one roams around with donuts and beer.