Shopper Delight

Every Tuesday, free in the mail, comes the local shopper for area counties. While you may wonder why I am so delighted when shopper Tuesday comes, never fear, for I will soon enlighten you, and you also will wonder at the shopper's marvels. Now, keep in mind, I am only drawing from the last 4 weeks of shoppers. This means you missed out on the racing pigeons that were for sale for many weeks. I have no clue what racing pigeons are, and let me tell you, I was incredibly sad when that ad disappeared from the shopper--I had completely missed my opportunity to own a (or a pair? Do they actually race?) of racing pigeons.

The following delights were in the shopper for August 25.

FOR SALE: mallard & black magestic ducks $10.00 each, guinea pigs $10.00 each, rabbits $10.00 each. call after 4 p.m.

Now, I can understand selling ducks--duck, after all, is incredibly tasty. I also know some people like to eat rabbit. But Guinea Pigs? I have no idea. I certainly hope no one is eating Guinea Pigs. I'm not quite sure what the man was doing with all those different animals anyway or how he decided that Guinea Pigs would be a profitable venture.

FOR SALE: Young, jack donkey.

I have no idea what a jack donkey is (possibly just a male donkey?). I have no idea what use there is for a donkey. But for some reason, I would really like a donkey. I don't know why. Probably just because I find it incredibly odd that in every single weekly shopper, there is someone either selling or wanting to buy a donkey. So now I think I should also have a donkey. Jeremy didn't seem overly fond of the idea though, nor did he appreciate my humor when I mentioned that the hallways in our house are big enough to house a donkey.

FOR SALE: I have goats, call for details and prices.

Really, there was nothing out of the ordinary in this ad. I just found it humorous how quick he was about his ad. He has goats. It sort of sounded like some odd affliction for which he needed rapid antibiotics. I also like the fact that he doesn't bother to mention what kind of goats they are, how old they are, etc. Maybe it's some sort of weird game where you get a discount if you can guess the particulars about his goats.

FOR SALE: TY Beanie Babies and NASCAR Collectibles.

I cannot begin to describe the appeal of this ad. Beanie Babies that went out of fashion over a decade ago! And NASCAR crap! Like I said, can't even begin to describe the appeal.

FOR SALE: Dog, a good guard dog, and very friendly.

Ummm, just what I always wanted--a friendly guard dog. I'm sure that will keep the intruders away. If they're afraid of being licked or of tail waggings.

FOR SALE: Many items, some good, some not so good, needs work, car parts, bricks, and much more.

Oh, so many things here. At least the person is honest and basically says that he's selling crap. I'm not sure what exactly he's selling though that needs work. Maybe he needs work? And if car parts and bricks are the best of his items for sale. . .

NOTICE: Will the man who was looking at a car I have please call . . .

I would venture a guess that the man has no desire to actually buy the car.

FOR SALE: 1968 M151 A1 Willys military jeep. Excellent mechanical condition. Fording kit. Machine gun mount. Radio and antenna (for display). Two tops. Various other spare parts.

Okay, this man is especially proud that his military jeep has a machine gun mount, but I have no clue as to why a machine gun mount would be a special draw. I'm chalking this one up as a man thing, and hoping whoever bought it does not have a machine gun to mount to it.

FOR SALE: Rodeo Equipment. 1 set chaps, 1 vest, 1 helmet, 1 bull rope. Will sell individually or together.

What can I say? Other than I so tried to get Jeremy to buy this ensemble for himself! hehe.


Moving on to the shopper from September 1.

FOR SALE: I have a boat, call for details.

I'm very glad the man has a boat, but I really don't want to know about his boat.

FOR SALE: Men's nice Summer suits, size 32-34, $5.00 per suit.

Sigh. Once again, I tried to get Jeremy to call on this one, and he refused. Picky, picky! How could you go wrong with a $5 suit!

FOR SALE: Goats, sheep, roosters, baby chicks, Peacocks, hens, guineas and large GE freezer.

Given the list of things for sale, I was not expecting it to end with a GE freezer. I guess that's so you can store all the meat after you. . . well, you get the point.

FOR SALE: 6 month old Bumble Foot, gray stag and pullet game chickens.

I have no idea what a Bumble Foot, gray stag is, but I'm sure I want one!

FOR SALE: 1987 Chevy Silverado dually, $3500; also 3 mounted deer heads $100, $75 and $50.

Oh, I so must have the deer heads to line my hallways! What decor! I'm not quite sure why each one is priced differently. I sense a little deer discrimination going on here.

FREE BED AND BREAKFAST: I will buy your breakfast if you will come get this Futon frame bed.

Well, at least he's original. Not sure why he doesn't just haul it to the dump, but hey.


So the previous week's shopper had a slightly disappointing variety of odd things for sale compared to most. Thus, I eagerly anticipated the shopper on September 8.

FOR SALE: E machine computer monitor, keyboard and mouse $75; Gateway computer monitor $20, black spider ???? $75 . . .

Ummm, we have a lot of spiders too, and we don't know what they are either. Can I sell them for $75 apiece?

WANTED: I am looking for goats to buy, also grown female Boston Terrier, also Miniature Jack Donkey.

I do not want to know why this person wants all these things. But, I have uncovered a new obsession--a miniature donkey would be much cooler than a regular old donkey! Thus, I have begun persuasion techniques (amazingly unsucessfully at this point) to convince Jeremy we must get a miniature Jack donkey.

YARD SALE: September 5th through Sept. 12 at in Abbeville, GA. left no address.

I have to chalk this one up to the best waste of paper and the worst attended yard sale ever.

FOR SALE: A horse, make me an offer.

Once again, an add filled with lush details about the sale "item."

FOR SALE: Ducks $7 each, have Mallards, Black Magestics, Indian Runners; Grown rabbits $7 each; Grown Guinea Pigs $7 each. Buy in bulk and recieve a discount, serious callers only.

Apparently, this person has now realized the futility in trying to sell ducks, rabbits, and guinea pigs, for prices have come down 30%. I also had to wonder at the people buying "bulk" ducks, rabbits, and guinea pigs. What exactly does one do with them in bulk? I also had to wonder how many "nonserious" callers he had they he felt the need to specify.

Finally, and I know you're also sorely disappointed, the last shopper from September 15.

FOR SALE: Air compressor, also 2 horses, mother and son, and 1964 Ford.

I certainly hope he wasn't just cleaning out the garage.

FOR SALE: I am looking for a new or used casette player.

Umm, did this person sleep through the past few decades?

FOR SALE: 1970 model 14 ft. campter, $200.

I thought this was an absolute steal! Jeremy, on the other hand, poo-pooed the idea of this purchase, mumbling something about "do you know how bad that thing would smell?"

FOR SALE: 1990 full size, Blue Bird school bus, that has been converted to a camper. It has a full size bath with tradition house fixtures, kitchenette area, heat and air, carpet on floor, does not run, will need to be towed or pulled . . . must see to appreciate.

I didn't have to see this one to appreciate it! Again, Jeremy did not share my appreciation, so, I am sad to inform you that we will not be purchasing the immobile, yet fully decked out, Blue Bird camper.

FOR SALE: 8 year old quarter horse, Bay mare, English saddle and bridle included, $750, call Mojo Stephens.

How exactly does one come by the name Mojo?

FOR SALE: ECTC books, also hamster, books and accessories.

Okay, selling your college books, I can understand, but your hamster?

FOR SALE: Little girls pink John Deere boots, size 9, paid $65 on Christmas, asking only $20?

First, pink John Deere boots? Second, $65 for a pair of pink John Deere boots?

FOR SALE: 14 kt gold Marquis diamond wedding set with 6 diamond wrap band, valued $1800, sacrifice for $800 obo, worn only one month.

Sacrifice? I'm guessing she really wanted to hurl the thing into a lake.

FOR SALE: Tatoo gun with foot controlled motor, all for $250.

Don't you have to have some sort of licensing to do tatoos? Let's just say, mixing rednecks, moonshine, and a tatoo gun does not seem like a good idea.

FOR SALE: 2 Livingroom Chairs. Very good and very cheap one. Pellet gum, practically new.

I definitely think I can pass on the "practically new" pellet gum. I'm assuming he meant pellet gun, but one can never be too sure around here.

FOR SALE: Evenflo select double breast pump. Automatic cylcking. Like new, used for 2 weeks. . .

I don't think I really have to say anything here beside ewwwwwwwwwwwww.


So brings us to the end of the past month's wonderful shopper sales. But don't be disappointed! Instead, eagerly anticipate the next round of delights in October!